What is love bombing and why is it dangerous?
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is a manipulation technique where someone floods you with love, attention and gifts at the beginning of a relationship. This can feel like a dream relationship, but appearances are deceiving. This is because the attention and love are not genuine, but are meant to gain control over you. As soon as the manipulator senses that you are emotionally dependent, he or she suddenly withdraws, leaving you in confusion and pain.
Why is love bombing dangerous?
Love bombing can cause great psychological damage. It causes you to become dependent on the manipulator’s approval and attention. When that attention suddenly disappears, you become emotionally drained and insecure. This can lead to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
The psychology behind love bombing
Why do people use love bombing? Often it is narcissists or people with deep insecurities who want to gain control over their partner in this way. Narcissists need constant admiration and affirmation, and love bombing quickly gives them power over someone. Others do it out of an extreme fear of being abandoned.
Well-known examples of love bombing
Love bombing is common, both in real life and in movies and series. Think of stories where someone is labeled the one within a few days, showered with attention and gifts, and then completely ignored or controlled.
How do you recognize love bombing? 9 signs to watch out for
- Excessive attention and gifts
- Intense declarations of love in a short time
- Constant contact and no space for yourself
- You feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable
- You are perfect, but not for long
- Jealous and controlling behavior
- They pit you against friends and family
- They punish you with distance if you don’t cooperate
- You doubt yourself and feel exhausted
Love bombing vs true love the big differences
Love bombing can at first seem a lot like real love. You get attention, compliments and love, and it seems like you’ve found the perfect partner. But there is a big difference between a healthy relationship and manipulation. Here’s how to distinguish love bombing from real love.
The speed of the relationship
In love bombing, everything moves extremely fast. After a few days or weeks you are told that you are the one and your partner makes grand plans for the future. There is no time to get to know each other; everything has to be perfect right away. This causes you to fall into an emotional stupor that prevents you from looking at the relationship objectively. In a healthy relationship, on the contrary, feelings grow gradually. There is time and space to discover each other naturally, without pressure or manipulation.
Balance in giving and taking
True love is an interaction. Both partners give and receive naturally, without extreme differences. Love bombing involves an excessive amount of attention, gifts and love at first, but this is often not genuine. The goal is to make you dependent so that you will be more indulgent later when the manipulator shows his or her true nature. In a healthy relationship, there is balance and love never feels like a means to exercise power.
Your sense of freedom
A healthy relationship gives you space to be yourself. You feel free to spend time with friends, pursue your own hobbies and remain independent. Love bombing, on the other hand, feels oppressive. The manipulator wants you all to himself and won’t accept it if you spend time with something or someone else. At first this may feel like genuine interest, but eventually you find that you have less and less freedom and are pressured to make your life completely about the other person.
How you feel in the relationship
Perhaps the most important difference between love bombing and true love is how you feel in the relationship. In a healthy relationship, you feel calm, happy and secure. There is trust, stability and mutual respect. Love bombing feels like a roller coaster. In the beginning you experience intense infatuation, but this is followed by periods of detachment, criticism and manipulation. This creates confusion and uncertainty, causing you to try harder and harder to regain the love of the beginning. This pattern can exhaust you emotionally and affect your self-esteem.
Why do some people use love bombing
Love bombing doesn’t just happen. People who use this tactic often have a deeper psychological motivation. Some do it consciously to gain control; others act out of unconscious insecurities.
Narcissistic manipulation
Many love bombers have narcissistic traits. They want to be admired and adored and use love bombing to make a partner emotionally dependent. Once they feel they are in control, their behavior changes dramatically. They become aloof, critical or even mean. This creates a vicious cycle in which the victim starts trying harder and harder to win back love.
Separation anxiety and insecurity
Not everyone who engages in love bombing is a manipulator. Some people have an intense fear of being abandoned. They shower their partner with love and attention in hopes of forcing a strong bond. This often stems from unresolved traumas or childhood experiences. The problem is that this excessive intensity can be stifling and ultimately destroy the relationship.
Cultural and social influences
Romantic movies, fairy tales and social media often paint an unrealistic picture of love. “If you’re really in love, you want to do everything for that person,” he said. This can cause people to think that love bombing is a sign of true love, when in reality it is unhealthy.
How to protect yourself from love bombing
Romantische films, sprookjes en sociale media schetsen vaak een onrealistisch beeld van de liefde. “Als je echt verliefd bent, wil je alles doen voor die persoon,” zei hij. Hierdoor kunnen mensen denken dat love bombing een teken van echte liefde is, terwijl het in werkelijkheid ongezond is.
Listen to your gut feeling
When something seems too good to be true, it often is. Does love feel overly intense and too fast? Do you feel like you are being overwhelmed? Trust that feeling and take time to observe how the relationship develops.
Set boundaries and guard them
Love bombers try to make you emotionally dependent by overloading you with love and attention. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Say no when something doesn’t feel right and see how the other person responds. A healthy partner respects your boundaries; a manipulator tries to break them.
Talk to friends and family
Love bombers often isolate their victims from those around them. Stay in touch with the people you trust. Ask their opinions about your relationship and listen to their observations. Sometimes outsiders see the red flags before you do.
What to do when you are in a love bombing relationship
When you realize you are in a relationship that involves love bombing, it can be an emotional shock. You may still have feelings for the person, but deep down you know the relationship is not healthy. Here are the steps you can take to protect yourself.
Acknowledge the problem
The first step to change is awareness. Realize that what you are experiencing is not real love, but a form of manipulation. It is normal to be confused or doubtful, but when you recognize the pattern of love bombing, you know it is time to take action.
Seek professional help
Love bombing can cause deep emotional damage. If you find yourself stuck in the relationship or struggling with your self-image, it may help to talk to a coach or therapist. A professional can guide you in restoring your self-confidence and setting boundaries.
Break contact safely
If you decide to end the relationship, do so safely. Love bombers can react manipulatively and unpredictably to rejection. Block their contact if necessary and avoid conversations in which they try to persuade you to come back. Seek support from friends and family to help you stay strong.
Experiences with love bombing stories and lessons
Love bombing is a common manipulation technique, and many people have experienced it – sometimes without immediately realizing it. By reading others’ experiences, you can learn how love bombing works and how to protect yourself.
Experience story I thought it was real love
Lisa thought she had found the love of her life. Her new partner showered her with compliments, gifts and loving messages. Soon he wanted to live together and made plans for the future. But after a few months, his behavior changed. He became distant, jealous and critical. Lisa felt emotionally dependent and struggled to get out of the relationship. Only when she realized she was in a pattern of manipulation was she able to break free and regain her self-confidence.
What I learned from it
People who have experienced love bombing often learn valuable lessons about relationships and themselves. They discover the importance of trusting their intuition and setting boundaries. They understand that true love is not based on extreme ups and downs, but on stability, trust and respect.
Tips for others in the same situation
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talking with friends, family or a coach can help you gain clarity.
Know that you are not alone. Love bombing is more common than you think, and there are people who can support you.
Focus on self-love and recovery. The sooner you focus on your own well-being, the sooner you will find your strength.
Do you want to learn how to avoid manipulative relationships?
Do you recognize the signs of love bombing in your relationship, or do you want to learn how to build healthy relationships? At School of Seduction, our certified coaches will help you with personal guidance so that you are stronger and more confident in your love life.
