The meaning of “Delulu Dating
The term “Delulu” is an abbreviation of the English word “delusional,” meaning delusional. Delulu Dating refers to the tendency to believe that a superficial interaction or a one-sided crush is a real, mutual connection. This can range from overanalyzing messages and body language to completely ignoring obvious rejections.
Hoe sociale media het fenomeen hebben versterkt
On TikTok, Instagram and other platforms, Delulu Dating is often presented as a funny, recognizable trend. Short videos and memes encourage the idea that you should “just pretend someone is in love with you” until it becomes reality. However, this can be dangerous because it blurs the line between reality and fantasy.
Examples of ‘Delulu’ behavior in dating
- Thinking someone is in love with you because they like your Instagram stories.
- Interpreting a vague remark as a hidden declaration of love.
- Keep waiting for a message while the other person shows little interest.
- Coming up with excuses for why someone doesn’t make an effort, such as “he’s just busy.”
Why this trend is becoming more common
People naturally have a need to feel loved and appreciated. Delulu Dating responds to that need because it is easier to maintain a fantasy than to accept rejection. In addition, dopamine and oxytocin cause us to hold on to positive feelings even when they are not based in reality.
Why do people cling to a “Delulu” mindset?
The psychology behind self-deception in love
Our brain is constantly looking for confirmation of what we want to believe. This is called confirmation bias. When someone hopes that a certain person is interested, they will pay particular attention to signals that confirm this, while negative or neutral signals are ignored.
How fantasy makes us emotionally dependent
When we like someone, our brains produce substances such as oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”) and dopamine (the “reward hormone”). These substances make us feel good, but can also cause us to become emotionally dependent on someone who doesn’t see us the same way.
The influence of childhood and attachment styles
Our attachment style, shaped by our childhood and previous relationships, plays a major role in how we deal with rejection and romantic hope. People with anxious attachment styles are more susceptible to Delulu Dating because they are often afraid to let go and cling to every glimmer of hope.
Signs that you are living in a fantasy
Red flags that you are talking yourself into something
- You make excuses for someone’s disinterest.
- You are more engaged in daydreaming about someone than in real interactions.
- You let your mood depend on minimal attention (such as a like or short message).
When does a crush become unhealthy?
A crush is normal and can be fun, but when it becomes obsessive and your happiness or self-worth becomes dependent on how that person behaves, it can be harmful.
Test: How realistic is your dating vision?
A quick self-test to determine if you suffer from Delulu Thinking:
- Do you regularly feel that someone is giving “secret signals”?
- Do you wait weeks or months for a message from someone?
- Do you try to rationalize other people’s behavior instead of accepting it as it is?
If you answer “yes” to two or more questions, it’s time to adjust your expectations.
The difference between healthy hope and ‘Delulu’ behavior
Optimisme versus wishful thinking
Healthy hope means being open to possibilities, while wishful thinking means creating a reality that does not exist.
How to look realistically at your love life
- Focus on actions, not words.
- Let someone take initiative instead of looking for signals.
- Accept rejection and put your energy into mutual interest.
How to switch from ‘Delulu Dating’ to ‘Realistic Dating’
Practical tips to keep both feet on the ground
- Observe a person’s actions rather than analyzing his or her words.
- Express your feelings honestly and watch the reaction.
- Focus on your own life and happiness instead of fixating on one person.
How to learn to read better signals
Someone who is really interested:
- Seeks regular contact.
- Actively schedules appointments.
- Shows interest consistently, not just when it’s convenient.
Someone who has no serious interest:
- Sends vague or irregular messages.
- Always has excuses why a date is off.
- Keeps contact superficial and fleeting.
How to build healthy connections
Work on your self-confidence and find someone who appreciates you as you are. Focus on communication, shared values and mutual effort.
Common mistakes at Delulu Dating and how to avoid them
6 pitfalls you shouldn’t fall into
- Giving too much meaning to small signals.
- Ignoring rejection and hoping someone will “change their mind.
- Rationalizing other people’s behavior instead of accepting it.
- Making your luck depend on an unclear situation.
- Using social media as “proof” that someone is interested.
- Waiting for someone to show no initiative.
How to break your own dating pattern
- Acknowledge your patterns and work on your self-esteem.
- Focus on realistic interactions, not daydreaming.
- Find love that is mutual and based on genuine connection.
Realistic love leads to greater happiness
Why realistic love works better in the long run
When you stop clinging to fantasies and become open to real, mutual connections, you increase your chances of a happy relationship.
How to make dating more fun and less frustrating
By letting go of expectations and appreciating people as they really are, dating becomes less stressful and more fulfilling.
Want to learn more about realistic dating and building healthy relationships and not a deluluship? Check out our coaching programs and delve into the psychology behind love and attraction.
